It's said the best things in life happen in silence. Well that's true because when two people with disabilities decide to up the scales to more than friendship, it's kept a secret until the roots of the friendship are fully established, too strong for naysayers to break it. Dating a partner when you also have a disability is like an illegal activity based on how much the society shuns it especially the African society. Telling your parent you are in a relationship is almost a capital offence due to the older generation feeling that we the 'dot com' generation doesn't know a thing about love and that relationships are a waste of time and a disruption in life progression. Never mind the same people will start become concerned when you hit midlife crisis with no signs of 'someone special in your life'. If that's how normal relationships are treated, what would happen if you told them your partner is as disabled as yourself? Your guess Is as good as mine.
People with disabilities are generally emotionally deprived since we spend most of our time thinking about the next thing all day long. The next thing could be where to get fare to travel to access a service and whether the place is accessible or what plan I should implement if the place is not. We think about so many things linked to physical and attitudinal barriers to the point that we don't think of our emotional wellbeing and when people complement us, we shrug the complement off since we are not used to such things..Sometimes we mistake complements for sympathy such that when you tell a person with a disability you are good looking, they will ask you if you mean what you are saying.
When two people with disabilities decide to date each other, it's normally, according to me, a culmination of interests and capabilities. Capabilities in terms of how the two of them complement each other and understand each other's limitations. It's also a matter of security in that in the future you are sure the person will always be there for you even if you are physically distant. There's also the knowledge that you don't have to explain your situation again when they could also be in the same situation as yourself so that cancels out. For example, someone with visual impaired might date someone who is partially blind for the simple reason that the partially blind people understands the life of person with visual impairment. The attraction oftentimes comes from the same outlook in life matters and approaches to problems aside from secondary factors such as beauty and voice for those who can't see.
Acceptability of such relationships is out of the realisation that the two people with disabilities can live on their own without external help. It mostly happens to people with physical disabilities such as wheelchair users because of the belief that people on wheelchairs can't help themselves and making it two people on wheelchairs only compounds the problem. Far from it. With the use of technology and a few house adaptions/ modifications, it's easier for lovers that are both physically handicapped to live together.
There's also the convergence of convenience. This is where people with disabilities date each other after seeing each other somewhere for so long, and the feeling that they can't be loved by the able bodied people that they just fall for each other..the outside world may be cruel to them because of their weaknesses and when you meet someone who offers you emotional comfort and may be looking like you, why not give it a chance? This type of romance is mostly common in institutions for people with disabilities such as community homes. Case in point was during the Disability Revolution of the 70s in the US where people with disabilities met in a camp for a few days and later on started disability protests in America demanding for disability rights and equal treatment for people with disabilities. Some of the people from the camp went on to become couples. (Watch Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution, on Netflix to understand this better).
While dating between two people with disabilities has gained acceptance in other parts of the world particularly Europe and America, its a different case in Africa. With increased awareness on matters disability, the society should be made to be supportive of such situations if we say we have freedom in this day and age. Let's have dating camps for people with disabilities between themselves. Hotels should have Valentine events geared towards people with disabilities and their social lives.
After all, the heart eats what it wants. To each their own.