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Suicidal Thoughts as an Autistic Adult

Since my first suicidal attempt in 2019, It's been a bittersweet victory. I mean I feel like I'm always going to fight the feeling of being hopeless, the crippling feeling of failure. It's quite hard being different makes you stand out but I feel the mask hides the many heavy challenges that we rarely talk about due to society's expectations.

I'm communicating with my writing but AM I REALLY SAYING WHAT I MEAN? AM I WRITING JUST FOR YOU TO GET AN IDEA OF HOW I FEEL?

The early interventions and the cognitive therapy have been great but IS THERE A DAY I CAN BE MY TRUE SELF WITHOUT SUPPRESSING MY AUTISTIC TRAIT?

WHO AM I? WAS I MEANT TO EXIST? WHY DO I ENVY THE PEOPLE IN THE OBITUARY SECTION OF THE NEWSPAPER?

WHY CAN'T I BE PRODUCTIVE, WHEN I FEEL LIKE I JUST CAN'T DO IT?

ADHD/ANXIETY DISORDER/HEMPLEGIA AND AUTISM

Yet whenever I have projects I am called to attend to I do them effortlessly,

The many praises I get which really drive me to continue on BUT..............

Those are the very questions I ask myself when I struggle with my lows, IDENTIFYING THE TRIGGERS AND PUTTING

A WORD TO IT IS HARD.

ACCEPTANCE IS A PROCESS and a JOURNEY I CONSIDER MYSELF A FIGHTER and I have been fighting and I'll continue to.

; because I haven't finished my story.

SARAH BOSIBORI BITANGE


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Комментарии

  • BKiwu
    BKiwu ✭✭✭✭✭

    Quite a thought provoking post. But I think there needs to be a discussion between impostor syndrome and being suicidal, how to know the difference between the two, when its time to seek for help, and how to be unapologetically ourselves without doubting ourselves. The best thing to do is to have a support system that keeps reminding you of how far you've come rather than dwelling on our shortcomings. And if you want to know who far you've come, look at the side mirror. Enjoy the journey rather than craving for the results.

  • There is no difference between Imposter syndrome and Autism they co-exist because they intersect through the stigma and the constant societal pressure we face.

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