I've always dreamt of someday having a family and being a dad. I'm already an uncle, with lots of nieces and nephews. Being around them makes the better part of my day. I'm good with them and if I'm this good with them I see myself even being better with my own kids. But then I sigh, looking at my situation. I grew up around my dad and uncles too were part of my life.
My uncles would carry me up high on their shoulders and we'd walk. I'd feel like I'm towering everyone since one of my uncles is pretty tall. I'd see how during functions, my uncles would get to work. Set up tents, carry heavy loads here and there and still have time for some more. I saw how they would carry their kids as their wives would be doing other duties, in a bid to help the wife and also get bonding time with the kid. They'd run around playing with their kids. All this I'm unable to do owing to my condition.
I walk with crutches, and many years of walking with crutches helps you bolster your upper body strength. So I've got all this strength and though I can lift heavy things, I can't move around carrying them. Hence I need help doing that. Even though I'm good with kids, I can only do so while seated. That means if the kid is all jumpy, I'll need somebody to be there just incase the kid wanders far. Some gentleman gestures such as opening the door, pulling out a chair and excusing someone my seat I simply can't do.
It gets frustrating thinking of how limited I'll be picturing how a kid might be crying in the next room and best I can do is to go to that room and be there. While the ideal would have been to carry the kid out the room, walk around to lull them back to sleep. Or just to get out with them cause at times kids too get bored of being indoors too long.And though I can't do all that, I know its fine and that why to the things I can do, I'll do them to well and my kids would also be like " We have a great dad".
Then to my partner, that's where my thoughts are mostly. Cause she'll have to be very strong cause it won't be easy. For my disability would in some way have left her a big shoulder of burden of taking care of the kids, and because from time to time I might need help, that adds up on things for her to do. This worries my friend too who says he rather lives like a bachelor for he'd not want to be a burden to anyone. Cause if it takes a lot to just live as a person with disability, it would be more work to live as a person with disability with parent duties.
All this is tough on me and I'm daily trying to reinvent myself and work around my constraints. Other than it hurting me, I feel like the kid gets to miss out on me for I'm limited in many things. I'd wish for them to have it all to get to experience what I did, and while they might still be able to enjoy all those through my other relatives, that feeling will elude me.
All this show that parenthood is and has never been an easy topic. With it carries a lifetime responsibility over the kids brought unto this world. It can be draining, unpleasant and somewhat hard, but it can also be rejuvenating, fulfilling, amazing and even can help create new purpose to soon to be parents.
Last month while in church, I'm Catholic, and in our mass we were called upon as youths to think on what we'd want in life. If it's to follow our calling into priesthood/sisterhood or marry/be married. For most persons of disability there's that worry of getting the right partner cause this is key when you considering if you'll be a parent.
Then with disability you worry that on top of your nature of disability,there's also the thought of how your disability constraints come into play. So this poem basically shows how once the kid comes, some things just fall into place and the mind just gets to wade of any bad vibe.
Welcome parenthood
Today I welcomed a new being into my life
I was unsure of how it would feel
But once I held her/him in my arms
All my worries of being a father/mother disappeared
I felt proud cause this is me
I looked at how cute it was
How it stared out long to me
Crying out to me cause there were many faces around
It was a new life given unto me
A new book that I'd help write its first pages
Cause this life depends on me for how it will turn out
For if I give it a good start, it can go out in full glory
Today I welcomed a new being into my life
Knowing well I'm still finding my own way in life
But atleast now I'll take firm steps
Cause I know every step matters from here on
The PO£T