Toxic love: Learning to let go

Like the saying goes too much of anything is poison, well love too can be poisonous. In the art of love, they'll be times the ones we love won't reciprocate it back and that hurts but people need to learn and move on. At times, it's simply because the person ain't ready yet, or there's already somebody in the picture or it's because you just not the one. We ain't ready to hear that we ain't the one cause it hurts even more. That's why they're people who after being turned down, go round soiling the persons name, some go to the extent of subbortaging every healthy relationship that that person would have had while some make it their soul mission of, if I can't have you no one will.

This sad tale of love, I call it toxic. Toxic could be in many ways. The common use of the phrase being when they're two people in a relationship but they keep on mistreating each other but still are together. That could be fights, insults, arguments or even mistreatment. And though I another whole topic on its own, of which I'll revisit on a later date, it's a real issue out here. Cause it's led to broken families, families where its hard for them to enjoy each others company. Only sticking together out of convenience cause letting go is hard.

Toxic that I'm speaking of is the letting go part. So when one is turned down, one needs to reflect on their options. For some that involves taking time off love till they heal, others become rogue and decide to break more hearts, others chose to have multiple "lovers", some revenge. But the best option is letting go. The only mistake we do is thinking that letting go is a one day thing, it can take a long time. For there might be a period of denial, a period of hope that they'll change their mind, a period of despair where you feel you won't find another and a period of fear cause you not sure if it's worth going on to another bond.

Personally, my letting go process begins with reflecting everything that went through in that bond. I acknowledge how it made me feel, the happy times. Cause as human beings, we need to treasure those good times and from the bad times learn going forward. Then I'd delete the number, cause I know I'll have the urge to text it or call it, if I won't delete I'll write it somewhere then put it far away so that when I do get over it I tear it up.

I take time reflecting on what I did well, and how maybe I could have been better. This helps me be conscious of what happened so that I don't blame myself going forward coz thinking on it can show you that maybe you did things right you just not the one. Then I sleep on it. The next day and days going forward, I keep my mind busy.

Engage in activities that make me happy for I enjoy them, things that would consume my energy so that by night I'm drained so that I go to sleep after supper. By a week, I find myself way over it and completely let go. Though they'll be moments of de ja vu where you might think on it, they won't won't hurt as before.

With persons with disability, I guess the letting go part becomes even harder due to the fear of not finding another. It leads to distrust hence hard for most of us moving on cause it pains more thinking that maybe your disability was the reason it didn't work. This message will hopefully help people find a way of dealing with it. For I'm sure the next adventure is waiting by the corner don't miss out.

I still do remember my very first

She was visiting her folks this side

And lucky me her folks were like family

They'd never suspect anything if I came often

We'd meet by the stairs everyday

And walk to the rooftop

Where we'd talk long into the evening

And we'd have to put a hold till the next day

Those were the best days of my life

Felt like I was walking in air

Even though there were many interested

It's me she was interested in, so she put me first

But the holidays went fast and they were almost up

She needed to go back to school

And I had school too in a week

So all we had was a handful of goodbyes

The evening she left I was in school

Passed by and she'd already left

It was a hard year for me from then on

Cause in everything I saw I saw her

I put her name all round my stationery

No one would've guessed it cause i was creative

It became my nickname since her name was unisex

Years later we met, but we left it at that cause I'd moved on

The PO£T


  • BKiwuBKiwu ✭✭✭✭

    Nice coping tips for letting go. And yes, letting go is hard especially with all the expectations one has in a new relationship. For me I prefer having something ongoing that is separate from the relationship. Like something I can do on my own without the partners help and something that will help me in the long run, partner or no partner.

    In as much as this is a good move, its also very destructive on its own. In that you have too many guards that the partner has to overcome to earn your trust. If they are not patient with you, they may feel they are a burden to you and quit, hence you lose someone who maybe would have been a great partner in the long run.

    For persons with disabilities, letting go is only hard in the first relationship, or if the relationship came with some very good benefits eg travelling or gifting😂. After the first breakup I don't think they stress over it as they are already used to disappointments in life.

    Again, the disadvantage of 'getting used to disappointments' in relationships is that you lose the motivation to seek love or avoiding to open up to someone because you already think you will be rejected.

    Anyway, don't test the depth of a river with both feet. 😂😂

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